


Aladdin: Hazbin Hotel Edition

by FurbyDisaster53



Series: Hazbin Hotel Movie Parodies [19]
Category: Hazbin Hotel (Web Series), Helluva Boss (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Aladdin (Disney Movies) Fusion, Alternate Universe - Human, F/M, Humor, Inspired by Aladdin (Disney Movies), Parody, just go with it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-21
Updated: 2021-03-03
Packaged: 2021-03-17 21:34:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 14,684
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29599062
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FurbyDisaster53/pseuds/FurbyDisaster53
Summary: When a thief named Moxxie frees a genie named Charlie from her lamp, she says that she can grant three of his wishes. Moxxie is determined to use the lamp to win over Princess Millie, but soon he finds out that the evil vizier Alastor will stop at nothing to keep Moxxie from succeeding.
Relationships: Millie/Moxxie (Helluva Boss)
Series: Hazbin Hotel Movie Parodies [19]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1974124
Comments: 96
Kudos: 22





	1. One Jump Ahead

It all began late one night, outside the city of Agrabah. A man was sitting on a horse with his cat, waiting. A shorter man rode over on his horse, then hopped off. 

“Arackniss...you’re late,” the taller one said.

“I know, I know. Sorry, Al,” Arackniss returned. 

“Do you have it then?” Alastor asked.

“Yep, I got it. Had to kill a few bastards, but I got it,” Arackniss answered, as he pulled out half a golden cicada. “So, where’s my reward?” he asked.

“Patience, my friend. You’ll get what’s coming to you,” Alastor smiled, as he took out his half of the cicada. He combined the two pieces together. Once whole, the cicada flew off, leaving a golden trail in the sky. “Follow it! Quickly!” Alastor shouted.

The two of them followed the cicada on their horses. It stopped at a pile of sand, then it formed a giant cave shaped like the head of an owl. “After all these years….I’ve finally found the Cave of Wonders,” Alastor breathed.

“Holy shit…” Arackniss muttered.

“Now, go do what you came to do! Bring me the lamp! The rest of the treasure is yours, but the lamp is mine,” Alastor said. 

As Arackniss started walking toward the cave, Alastor’s cat raised an eyebrow. “Where the hell did you dig up this guy?” he asked.

“Quiet, Husker,” Alastor whispered, as he watched Arackniss. 

Arackniss stepped over to the cave, but stopped when he saw it moving. “Who disturbs my slumber?” the cave asked.

“Well….um...cave-,” Arackniss began.

“Stolas,” the cave stated.

“Stolas. I’m Arackniss,” he said.

“Only one can enter this place. One whose worth lies within. A diamond in the rough,” Stolas explained. 

Arackniss looked back at Alastor. “Should I really be doing this?” he whispered.

“Yes! You’ve got nothing to lose! Go on!” Alastor exclaimed.

Arackniss cautiously stepped inside. Within seconds, the cave collapsed. 

“I can’t fucking believe it! We are never going to get ahold of that stupid lamp! Just forget it!” Husk shouted.

“Calm yourself, Husker. Obviously, Arackniss wasn’t worthy,” Alastor said.

“Yeah, what a shocker,” Husk muttered.

“Yes...we must find this one….this diamond in the rough,” Alastor said.

———————————————

The next morning, a young thief named Moxxie was running through the streets, with a loaf of bread in hand. He was being followed by Fizzaroli, the captain of the guard, and about a dozen other guards behind him. 

“I’ll have your friggin hands as a trophy, dickhead!” Fizzaroli shouted.

“Geez! Over a loaf of bread?!” Moxxie exclaimed. 

Moxxie jumped off the roof they had been on, and he landed in a pile of clothes. A few women tending to their laundry saw the whole thing. “What a morning,” Moxxie muttered. 

“You’re getting into trouble early today, Moxxie,” said a woman named Crymini. 

“Who me? No! You’re only in trouble if you get caught,” Moxxie smiled. Unfortunately, he hadn’t noticed the guards head into the alley. Fizzaroli grabbed the boy by the collar. “I’m in trouble!!” Moxxie screamed.

“I am going to enjoy this!” Fizzaroli grinned. 

Before he could do anything, a little grey monkey pulled Fizzaroli’s hat over his eyes. “Vaggie! Thanks for saving my ass,” Moxxie said.

“No problem. Sometimes I feel like if it wasn’t for me, you would’ve died ages ago,” Vaggie replied.

“Thanks for that,” Moxxie deadpanned, as Vaggie hopped onto Moxxie’s shoulder. The two of them ran through the alley, and Moxxie crashed into another guard, named Baxter.

“Gotta keep one jump ahead of the breadline  
One swing ahead of the sword  
I steal only what I can't afford!  
And that's everything!” Moxxie sang, before he ran off. 

“One jump ahead of the lawmen  
That's all, and that's no joke  
These guys don't appreciate I'm broke!” Moxxie added, as he climbed up a stack of barrels. 

“Hippe!  
Fucker!  
Slacker!  
Sucker!” the guards sang. They threw fruit at Moxxie, but he managed to dodge it. 

“Just a little snack, guys,” Moxxie sang. The guards threw knives at him, but he dodged that attack as well.

“Rip him open, take it back, guys!” the guards sang.

“I can take a hint, gotta face the facts  
You're my only friend, Vaggie,” Moxxie sang, before he ran through a nearby window. 

“He?  
Oh, it’s sad, that Moxxie's hit rock bottom  
He's become a one-man rise in crime,” sang Dia, Summer, and Martha, the girls in the room Moxxie landed in. 

“I'd blame parents, except he hasn't got 'em,” Mrs. Mayberry added.

“Gotta eat to live, gotta steal to eat  
Tell you all about it when I got the time!” Moxxie sang, before he jumped out the window. 

“One jump ahead of the slowpokes  
One skip ahead of my doom  
Next time, gonna use a nom de plume

One jump ahead of the hitmen  
One hit ahead of the flock  
I think I'll take a stroll around the block,” Moxxie sang, as guards continued to chase him. 

“Asshole!  
Oh wow!  
Douchebag!  
Hey now!” the guards sang, as they kept trying to stop Moxxie. 

“Let's not be too hasty…” Moxxie continued, as he stopped by a door. The door swung open, and Molly stepped out, smiling at the sight of Moxxie. 

“Still, I think he's hella tasty!” she exclaimed, causing Moxxie to run off. 

“Gotta eat to live, gotta steal to eat  
Otherwise, we'd get along!” Moxxie sang.

“Wrong!” the guards shouted.

Moxxie ran through the town, with guards still hot on his trail. Vaggie grabbed a sword and held it up to the guards. “Back off, assholes!” she yelled.

“She has a sword!” screamed Baxter. 

“You idiot, we all have swords!” Fizzaroli yelled, as he and the rest of the guards pulled out their swords.

“Uh...bye!” Vaggie exclaimed, as she hurried off to catch up with Moxxie. 

“One jump ahead of the hoofbeats   
One hop ahead of the hump   
One trick ahead of disaster   
They're quick, but I'm much faster!” Moxxie sang, as he ran up a set of stairs and through an open window. He grabbed a carpet and headed towards the window. 

“Here goes, better throw my hand in  
Wish me happy landin'  
All I gotta do is jump!” Moxxie exclaimed. He jumped out of the window, using the carpet to glide downwards.

Fizzaroli and the other guards jumped too, however, they ended up landing in a wagon of fertilizer. Moxxie used his carpet as a parachute, giving himself and Vaggie a safe landing.

“That was close,” Vaggie said.

“I know. But hey! At least we got something out of it,” Moxxie smiled, as he gave Vaggie a piece of bread. 

Before they could eat, Moxxie spotted a pair of poor, starving children looking for food. Moxxie looked at the bread in his hands, then over at Vaggie. “Oh come on. It took us hours to steal this!” Vaggie exclaimed.

Moxxie sighed and walked over to the kids. “Here. Take it,” he said, as he handed them the bread.

Vaggie sighed and did the same, then she walked back over to Moxxie. “You’re a good guy, Moxxie,” she said.

“Thanks,” he smiled. 

At that moment, music started to play. Curious, Moxxie and Vaggie went to go and see what it was.


	2. The Palace

As Moxxie and Vaggie walked near the street, they saw a man in dark clothes on horseback. “He’s got to be his way to the palace,” a man muttered.

“Another suitor for the princess,” another said.

The two orphans that Moxxie gave the bread to ran over to the horse. The man stopped and grabbed his whip. “Out of my way, you disgusting children!” he shouted.

“Hey! If I were as rich as you, I would afford some manners!” Moxxie yelled.

“I’ll teach you manners, bastard!” the prince shouted, before he knocked Moxxie into the mud. 

Moxxie wiped the mud off his face, then he glared at the prince. He usually wasn’t one for insults, but this felt necessary. “Look at that, Vaggie! It’s not everyday you see a horse with two asses!” he yelled.

The prince stopped and turned to Moxxie. “You’re nothing but a filthy, worthless street rat. You were born in the streets, you’ll die in the streets, and only your fleas will care,” he said, before he and his horse headed through the palace gates.

“I’m not worthless! And I don’t have fleas,” Moxxie muttered.

“Hey, don’t listen to that piece of shit,” Vaggie said.

“Yeah...let’s go home,” Moxxie sighed. He picked up Vaggie, and the two of them walked away.

“Riff-raff, street rat,   
I don't buy that  
If only they'd look closer,” Moxxie sang, as they headed up to the rooftop they lived on.

“Would they see a poor boy?  
No siree   
They'd find out there's so much more   
To me,” he finished.

Vaggie curled up on a pillow to sleep, and Moxxie gazed at the palace in the distance. “One day, Vaggie, everything will be different. We’ll be rich, live in the palace, and we won’t have any problems at all,” he smiled.

—————————————-

The next day, the prince Moxxie met with in the street was angrily heading out of the palace. The sultan, Blitzo, was running behind him.

“Prince Pentious! C’mon! Be reasonable! My kid is really sweet when you get to know her!” he exclaimed. 

“She sicced a tiger on my ass!” Pentious shouted.

“Not on purpose! Probably! Get your ass back in here!” Blitzo returned.

“I’m leaving! Good luck marrying her off!” Pentious yelled, before he stormed out of the palace.

“Dammit Millie,” Blitzo muttered. He ran out to the garden, where his daughter was sitting with her tiger, Loona. “Millie!” he called, before seeing the piece of cloth from Pentious’s underwear in Loona’s mouth. “For fuck’s sake! This is why Prince Pentious left!” Blitzo exclaimed.

“Aww, Daddy, Loona was only playing!” Millie exclaimed, before petting her tiger. “Weren’t you, girl? You were just playing with that conceited, over dressed, dickwad of a prince, weren’t you?” she asked, before noticing the look her father was giving her.

“Sweetheart, you need to stop rejecting every guy who comes here! You need to marry a prince by your next birthday,” Blitzo said, as Millie walked over to her birdcage. 

“I know, I know, but that law is kind of stupid when you think about it,” she said.

“Stupid or not, you only have three more days!” exclaimed Blitzo.

“I hate being forced into this! If I get married, I want it to be for love,” Millie smiled.

“Yeah, well sweetie, if you want love, get a fucking dog. Look, I just want to make sure you’re with somebody who can take care of you,” Blitzo explained.

“Daddy, you need to understand. I’ve never done anything by myself. I’ve never had any real friends,” Millie said. Loona shot her a glare, and Millie smiled. “Except for you, Loona,” she said, making Loona smile. “I haven’t even been outside of the palace walls,” Millie added.

“But Millie, you’re a princess,” Blitzo said.

“Then maybe I don’t want to be a princess anymore!” Millie shouted.

“Damnit Millie!” Blitzo yelled, before he stormed off.

Millie sighed, then she looked at her birdcage. She opened the gate, and set the birds free. She watched as they flew off into the sky, a sense of yearning growing inside of her.

Blitzo went indoors and sighed. “Where the hell does she get it from? I mean...I’m not stubborn at all,” he muttered, as Alastor walked in, with Husk at his feet. “Oh, Al! Hey, I need some advice,” he said.

“Of course! How may I be of service, sir?” Alastor asked.

“This suitor shit is driving me crazy,” Blitzo sighed, as he noticed Husk. “Hey, you want some yarn or some shit?” he asked.

“We don’t have time for that, your majesty. However, you certainly have a way with dumb animals,” Alastor smiled, as Husk shot him a glare. “Now, I believe I can help with your little problem, however...I would need a red diamond to do it,” he said, as he motioned to Blitzo’s ring.

“My ring? Why?” he asked.

“It’s necessary!” Alastor exclaimed. He held his staff in Blitzo’s face, and it began to glow with an eerie, red light. “Don’t worry. Everything will be fine,” he said.

“Everything….will be fine…” Blitzo repeated, in a trancelike state. 

“The diamond,” Alastor said.

Blitzo slid the ring off of his finger. “Here….Alastor...whatever you need...will be fine,” he said.

Alastor grinned and took the ring. “You’re very generous, my lord! Now, go on and play with your little toys. I will take care of all your problems,” he said. 

“Alright….sure,” Blitzo nodded, still in a bit of a trance. 

Alastor smiled again, then he and Husk disappeared down the hall. “I am fucking sick of him asking if I want yarn. He’s friggin patronizing me,” Husk stated. 

“Calm down, Husker,” Alastor said, as the two of them went through a secret passage in the wall. “Soon I will be the sultan. Not that selfish cretin,” he said.

“And then, I’ll give that asshole yarn!” Husk exclaimed.

“Yes….whatever makes you happy,” Alastor said, before the two of them went into the secret lab.


	3. Meeting in the Marketplace

That night, Millie put on a plain, brown outfit and made her way to the palace walls. As she began to climb a tree to escape, she saw Loona looking at her with pleading eyes. 

“Loona,” Millie sighed, before she climbed down to pet her tiger. “I can’t stay here. I don’t wanna keep getting treated like some sorta object,” she explained, before hugging Loona. “I’ll really miss you,” she said.

Millie climbed back up the tree. “Bye,” she said, before climbing over the wall.

The next morning, Moxxie and Vaggie were sitting on the roof of a melon stand. “You remember the plan, right?” Moxxie asked.

“Yes, I remember the plan. Don’t worry,” Vaggie replied, before she climbed down. 

A woman named Kiki was running the booth, and her eyes landed on Vaggie. “Get out of here! Nobody will buy these if you get fleas on them,” she said.

Vaggie narrowed her eyes at her and tried grabbing a melon. “Hey! Give me the damn melon!” Kiki shouted, as she tried grabbing it back.

While the merchant was distracted, Moxxie reached down and grabbed a melon. As soon as Vaggie saw he got it, she let go of the melon. “Fine, you win,” she said, before climbing back up. 

“...what the fuck?” Kiki muttered. 

Atop the booth, Moxxie broke the melon in half. “That went surprisingly well,” he smiled.

“I’m surprised too,” Vaggie said, as she took her half. 

Down below, Millie wandered the marketplace. Since she had never been there in person, everything was so new and interesting to her. Merchants would call out to her, and she simply took everything in. 

Moxxie noticed her from where he was sitting, and his eyes widened. She had to be the most beautiful girl he had ever seen. “Wow…” he whispered.

“What are you looking at?” Vaggie asked, before she spotted Millie too. “Oh hell no…” she muttered.

As Millie walked, she saw a little boy staring at the apples on a cart. “Aww, you must be hungry,” she said. Millie took an apple and handed it to the boy. “Here you go, sweetie,” she smiled.

The boy ran off, and the merchant, Katie, glared at Millie. “And do you have any way to pay for that?” she asked.

“What?” Millie asked.

Katie grabbed Millie by the wrist. “Nobody steals from my cart,” she stated.

“I’m really sorry, ma’am. I don’t have any money on me,” Millie replied.

“I knew it! You’re a damn dirty thief!” Katie shouted.

“I can go to the palace and get money from the sultan! It’d only take a second!” Millie exclaimed.

“Do you know what happens to thieves like you?!” Katie yelled, as she took out a dagger.

“Wait! I’m sorry! Please!” Millie pleaded.

Just then, Moxxie ran over and stopped Katie’s hand. “Oh wow! Thank you, uh, so much for finding her,” he said, before turning to Millie. “Where were you?! I was worried sick!” he exclaimed. 

“What are you doing?” Millie whispered.

“Follow my lead if you want to not die,” Moxxie returned.

“You know this girl?” Katie asked.

“Unfortunately, yes. She’s my sister. She’s a little crazy,” Moxxie explained.

“Please, this bitch said she knew the sultan,” Katie said.

“She thinks our monkey is the sultan,” Moxxie replied.

Millie saw Vaggie on the ground, and decided to play along. “Oh wise sultan, it is an honor to be in your presence,” she said, as she bowed before the monkey.

“Uh….thank you,” Vaggie replied, as she patted Millie on the head. 

“Tragic, I know,” Moxzie sighed, before giving Katie a nervous smile. “I really am sorry about her, and I swear, it’ll never happen again,” he said, before turning to Millie. “C’mon sis, time to go see the doctor,” said Moxxie.

He and Millie began walking off, and Millie smiled at a camel. “Hi there, doc. How are you?” she asked.

“No, no, not that one,” Moxxie said, as he awkwardly laughed. “Come on, ‘sultan’,” he said, as he looked at Vaggie.

Vaggie had been grabbing all the gold coins she could, and dropped them as soon as Moxxie called her name. “Damnit!” she exclaimed.

“I knew it!” Katie shouted, as she saw Vaggie scamper away. “GET BACK HERE, ASSHOLES!” she called.

Meanwhile, back at the palace, Husk was turning the wheel of a lightning machine for Alastor. “Al! Couldn’t we have waited for an actual storm?! I’m fucking tired!” Husk shouted.

“No! This is urgent! Now...faster,” Alastor said, as he put Blitzo’s ring on a stand above an hourglass.

“Fine! But you better get me a damn drink after this!” Husk returned.

Alastor grinned as the sand started to swirl in the glass. “Sands of time….reveal to me the one who can enter the cave…” he said. His smile widened when an image of Moxxie appeared in the sand. “Yes! This is the one!” Alastor exclaimed.

“That’s him?! That’s the dick we’ve been waiting on?!” Husk yelled, as he let go of the wheel.

“Evidently so. Now, let’s have the guards extend him an invitation to the palace,” Alastor smirked.

Back in the city, Moxxie was leading Millie across the rooftops. “We’re almost there,” he said. 

Millie gave him a soft smile. “I wanna thank you for stopping that lady,” she said.

“I mean...um...it was no big deal,” Moxxie replied, as he started to blush softly. “So, is this your first time in the marketplace?” he asked, before pole vaulting to the next roof with Vaggie.

“Is it that obvious?” Millie asked.

“Well, you do sort of stand out,” Moxxie answered, as he noticed Millie’s embarrassed smile. “Erm, I mean...you don’t seem to know how dangerous Agrabah can be,” he added, as he laid down a plank for Millie to walk across.

Instead of using it, Millie pole vaulted over as well. She smiled at Moxxie and Vaggie’s shocked expressions. “I’m a fast learner,” she said, as she handed Moxxie the pole. 

Moxxie handed Vaggie the pole and held Millie’s hand. “C’mon. This way,” he said. 

The two started walking, and Vaggie trailed behind. “I can’t believe this shit,” she muttered.

Moxxie led Millie up a set of stairs and to the rooftop he lived on. “You live here?” Millie asked, as she looked around.

“Yeah. Just me and Vaggie. I know it isn’t much to look at, but it’s not so bad. We come and go as we please,” Moxxie said.

“That sounds really nice,” Millie smiled. 

“And it has a great view,” Moxxie added, as he pulled back the curtain to reveal the palace. “Doesn’t the palace look amazing?” Moxxie asked, not noticing as Millie’s face fell.

“Yeah, it’s great,” she sighed. 

“I wonder what it would be like to live there. And have everything you could ever need,” Moxxie said.

“And have people tell you where to go and how to dress?” Millie asked.

“I mean, sure. It’s better than here. Constantly scraping for food and running from guards,” he said.

“You aren’t free to make your own choices,” Millie said.

“Sometimes you feel so…” Moxxie began.

“You’re just…” Millie added.

“Trapped,” the two said at once.

They shared a look of understanding, then Moxxie cleared his throat and gave Millie an apple. “So, where are you from?” he asked.

“Nowhere. I ran away, and I’m never going back,” Millie answered.

“Why?” Moxxie asked.

“My dad is forcing me to get married,” Millie sighed.

“That’s...that’s awful! You don’t deserve that,” Moxxie said, before he sighed. “I wish there was something I could do to help,” he said.

Millie gave him a soft smile and moved a little closer. “That’s really sweet of you,” she said.

“There you are!” shouted a voice. Millie and Moxxie turned and saw guards climbing up the stairs. 

“They’re after me! They’re after you?!” the two exclaimed.

Moxxie placed Vaggie on his shoulder, then he ran to the edge of the roof. He held out a hand to Millie. “Do you trust me?” he asked. 

“Yes…” Millie cautiously replied, as she took his hand.

“Then jump!” Moxxie exclaimed. 

The two jumped off the roof, and landed on a pile of sand. They started running, but ran into Fizzaroli. “We just keep running into each other don’t we, you possum?” the guard smirked. 

“I am not a possum! Where did you even come up with that?!” Moxxie shouted.

Vaggie pulled Fizzaroli’s hat over his eyes. “Run!” she yelled.

Moxxie and Millie went to run, but they were blocked by guards. Fizzaroli tossed Vaggie away and straightened out his hat. “It’s the dungeon for you, kid!” he shouted, as he shoved Moxxie towards the other guards.

“Let him go!” Millie yelled, as the guards restrained Moxxie. 

“Ha! That’s hilarious! Some street urchin thinks she can order me around!” Fizzaroli laughed.

“Unhand him! By order of the princess,” Millie said, as she took off her hood.

The guards gasped. “Princess Millie!” Fizzaroli exclaimed, as they all bowed.

“The princess?” Moxxie whispered. 

“The princess?!” Vaggie repeated.

“What are you doing outside the palace? And with this bastard?” Fizzaroli asked.

“That’s none of your business! Now release him!” Millie shouted.

“I would if I could, princess. But my orders come from Alastor, you’re going to have to talk to him about it,” Fizzaroli replied, as he and the other guards started walking away.

“Believe me, I will,” Millie stated.

She watched as Moxxie was taken away, unable to do anything. She had to talk to Alastor. Millie finally had a real friend, and the last thing she wanted was to lose him already.


	4. The Cave of Wonders

Millie searched the palace until she found Alastor. “Alastor!” she shouted. 

“Yes, princess? What may I do for you?” Alastor asked. 

“The guards took a boy from the market on your orders!” Millie yelled.

“Dear, it is my duty to uphold law in Agrabah. The boy was a criminal,” Alastor replied.

“What did he do wrong?” Millie asked.

“Kidnapping you, of course,” shrugged Alastor.

“He didn’t kidnap me. I ran away!” Millie explained. 

“Oh goodness….if only I had known this sooner. Unfortunately, the poor boy’s sentence is already being carried out,” Alastor said.

“What is it?” Millie asked.

“Death by beheading,” Alastor answered. Millie gasped, and tears began welling in her eyes. “I’m terribly sorry, my dear,” Alstor said.

“How could you?” Millie whispered. 

She ran out of the room crying, just as Husk walked in. “So….how’d it go?” he asked.

“I believe she took it quite well,” Alastor smiled.

Millie had gone out to the garden to cry, and only Loona was there to comfort her. “It’s all my fault, Loona,” Millie said. “I didn’t even know his name,” she sobbed, before giving her pet a hug. 

Elsewhere, Moxxie was locked up in the dungeon. “She was the princess! I probably made a fool of myself,” he muttered.

“Moxxie!” called a voice.

Moxxie looked up to the window, and saw Vaggie climb in. “Vaggie!” Moxxie smiled. “Could you help me out of these?” he asked, indicating the restraints on his hands.

“You know why you’re here, right? You fell for some girl! Not just any girl, the princess,” Vaggie stated, as she started working on getting Moxxie free.

“I had to! She was in trouble. It was worth it,” he said. 

“Yeah, yeah. She wasn’t even THAT pretty,” Vaggie muttered.

“Well, it isn’t like I’ll ever see her again. I’m a ‘possum’, remember? She has to marry a prince. She deserves a prince. I’m a fucking idiot,” Moxxie sighed, just as Vaggie got him freed. 

“You only are if you give up, my friend,” said a voice.

“Who’s there?” Moxxie asked.

Alastor stepped out from the shadows, disguised as an old man. “A common lowlife such as yourself. But together, perhaps we can be more,” he grinned.

“What do you mean?” asked Moxxie.

“There’s a cave. A cave of wonders. Filled with treasure beyond you couldn’t begin to comprehend! Treasure that could even impress your princess,” Alastor explained.

“But the law says only a prince can marry the princess,” Moxxie said.

“My friend, the treasures in the cave could give you wealth to rival any prince’s. After all, whoever has the gold makes the rules,” Alastor replied.

“Why would you share any of this stuff with me?” Moxxie asked.

“I need someone younger and stronger to go in after it,” Alastor answered.

“Okay….listen sir, I’d love to help, only...it’s out there, and we’re in here,” Moxxie said, causing Alastor to chuckle.

“Things aren’t always as they seem,” he said, before pushing open a secret passage. “So, is it a deal?” Alastor asked, as he held out his hand.

Moxxie looked over at Vaggie. “I don’t trust this bastard,” she said. 

“Well, you sort of don’t trust anybody. You may not have the best judgement,” Moxxie returned, before he shook Alastor’s hand. “Deal,” he said.

After they all traveled through the desert, they reached the entrance to the Stolas cave. “Who disturbs my slumber?” Stolas asked.

“Um….me. My name is Moxxie,” Moxxie answered.

Stolas eyed him for a minute. “You may enter. Touch nothing but the lamp,” he said, before opening his mouth. 

“Now remember, get me the lamp! The rest of the treasure is yours, but the lamp is mine!” Alastor shouted.

Moxxie picked Vaggie up, and took a deep breath. “Ready?” he asked. 

“We are going to fucking die,” Vaggie said.

“I’ll take that as a yes,” Moxxie said, as he stepped inside. 

Moxxie walked down a narrow, winding staircase, and wound up in a room full of gold and treasure. “Holy shit…” he breathed.

“Wow...just a handful of this stuff would make you richer than the sultan,” Vaggie said.

“Yeah….okay, we need to stay focused. Don’t touch anything,” Moxxie said.

“Right,” Vaggie nodded.

As the two of them walked, they started to be followed by a red and yellow flying carpet. Vaggie turned and saw it. “HOLY SHIT!” she screamed.

“AH!” the carpet screamed back.

Moxxie turned just as the carpet ducked behind a pile of gold. “A magic carpet?” he asked. The carpet seemed to look out at them, and Moxxie beckoned towards it. “Come on. We won’t hurt you,” he said.

The carpet floated out. “Hi! I’m Nifty,” it said.

“Carpets have names?” Moxxie asked.

“Yep!” Nifty nodded.

“....okay,” Moxxie shrugged. “I’m Moxxie, and this is Vaggie,” he added.

“Hi! It’s been awhile since anyone was down here! I’ve been super bored,” Nifty explained.

“Then maybe you can help us. See, we’re looking for this lamp…” Moxxie began. 

“Oh! I know where it is! Follow me!” Nifty exclaimed.

She flew down the hall, and Moxxie and Vaggie ran behind her. Nifty led the pair to a cavern in the back of the cave. The lamp was sitting on top of a pillar. 

“I’ll go it alone. Wait here,” Moxxie said, as he walked off.

Vaggie was just going to wait there, however, her eyes traveled to the only other artifact in the room. It was a bright red ruby. The monkey couldn’t explain why, but she felt drawn to it.

Nifty noticed Vaggie staring at it. “Don’t touch it!” she exclaimed, but Vaggie didn’t listen.

With every step Moxxie took that brought him closer to the lamp, Vaggie kept walking closer to the ruby. Moxxie picked up the golden lamp and looked it over. “This is it? We went through all of this for a shitty lamp?” he asked. 

Moxxie turned and saw Vaggie, hypnotically running to the ruby. Nifty was pulling her tail to stop her, but Vaggie broke away. “Vaggie! No!” Moxxie shouted. 

Vaggie grabbed the ruby, and broke out of her trance the second she did. “What just happened?” she asked.

Suddenly, everything began melting around them. Lava and fire sprung up everywhere, and Moxxie ran down the stairs as fast as he could. Nifty flew over, and he jumped on her back. Next, the carpet swooped down to pick up Vaggie.

They flew through the cave as lava chased after them. The group nearly reached the exit, but Nifty got trapped under a boulder, flinging Moxxie and Vaggie off. The two gripped to the ledge near the exit, and Alastor stood above them. 

“Help me out!” Moxxie yelled.

“Toss me the lamp!” Alastor shouted.

“Give me your hand!” Moxxie yelled. 

“First, give me the lamp!” Alastor insisted. 

Moxxie passed the lamp to Alastor. Alastor laughed evilly and triumphantly held the lamp above his head. “Yes! At last!” he exclaimed.

Alastor noticed Vaggie had climbed up, and was trying to pull Moxxie up too. Alastor kicked the monkey away and grabbed Moxxie by the wrist. “What the hell?!” Moxxie exclaimed.

“I’m only giving you your reward! Your eternal reward….” Alastor said, as he pulled out a dagger. Before Alastor could do anything, Vaggie bit him on the wrist. “Ow!” Alastor shouted.

He dropped Moxxie out of shock, then threw Vaggie down after him. Nifty had broken free from the boulder, and she quickly caught the both of them. 

Alastor watched as the cave collapsed, and it was reduced to a pile of sand. He laughed and pulled off his fake beard. “It’s mine! At long last, the lamp is mine!” he yelled. Alastor looked in his pockets, but the lamp was nowhere to be found. “Where is it? Where is it?!” he shouted. 

Alastor ended up falling to the ground in defeat. “No!” he screamed.

Back at the palace, Blitzo walked in on Millie crying. “Fuck! Sweetheart, are you okay? Does Daddy need to kill anybody for you?” he asked.

“It’s...it’s Alastor. He did something awful,” Millie stammered.

“Oh. Hey, it’ll be fine. Tell me everything,” Blitzo said.

Millie simply hugged her father and kept crying. “In a minute,” she said. She would be certain to tell Blitzo about what Alastor did to the boy from the marketplace, but for now, all she wanted was comfort. A part of Millie hoped that he was still alive somewhere, but she knew it was silly to think like that. After all, Alastor wouldn’t lie to them.


	5. Genie of the Lamp

When Moxxie came to, he, Nifty, and Vaggie were on the cave floor. “Ow...my head,” he muttered.

Moxxie looked for an exit, but there was none to be found. “We’re trapped,” he said.

“This is all that bastard’s fault!” Vaggie shouted.

“Yeah!” Moxxie agreed, before he sighed. “Well, he’s long gone with that lamp,” he said.

“Not exactly,” Vaggie smiled, before she handed the lamp to Moxxie. 

“Hey, cool!” Moxxie exclaimed, before he looked it over. “I wonder why that guy wanted such a shitty piece of garbage?” he asked. 

“I think there’s something written here, but I can’t make it out,” Moxxie muttered. He rubbed the lamp to see if he could clean it off.

Suddenly, the lamp began shaking and glowing. Nifty grabbed Vaggie, and the two ducked behind a rock for cover. A blue trail of smoke drifted out of the lamp, and a blonde girl in a blue outfit appeared.

“Wow! Ten thousand years will give you such a crick in the neck! It feels so good to be out of there!” she smiled, before making a microphone appear in her hands. “It’s good to be back! Hi, I’m Charlie! What’s your name?” she asked, as she held the microphone out to Moxxie.

“Uh...Moxxie,” he replied.

“Moxxie! It’s great to have you on this show,” Charlie said, as she made Moxxie’s name appear in lights. 

“I think I hit my head harder than I thought…” Moxxie muttered. 

Charlie noticed Vaggie, and she smiled. “Is that your monkey? She’s adorable!” she exclaimed. 

“Uh...thanks?” Vaggie replied, incredibly confused by all this. 

“Nifty! I haven’t seen you in a few millennials. How are you?” Charlie asked.

“Great!” Nifty replied.

Charlie turned her attention back to Moxxie. “Wow, you are way shorter than my last master. Oh, no offense,” she said.

“Hold on, hold on, master?” asked Moxxie.

“That’s right! I’m the genie of the lamp!” Charlie replied. She snapped her fingers, and duplicates of herself appeared. They cheered, and the original Charlie bowed. “Straight from the lamp! For all your wish fulfillment! Thank you, thank you very much,” she said. 

“Wish fulfillment?” Moxxie asked.

“Yep! You get three wishes! And you can’t wish for more wishes. No substitutions, exchanges, or refunds,” Charlie explained.

“I have got to be dreaming,” Moxxie said.

“Master! I don’t think you realize what you’ve got here! Just sit back and relax, and I’ll illuminate the possibilities,” Charlie smiled, as music started.

“Well Ali Baba had them forty thieves  
Scheherezad-ie had a thousand tales  
But master you in luck 'cause up your sleeves  
You got a brand of magic never fails!

You got some power in your corner now  
Some heavy ammunition in your camp  
You got some punch, pizzazz, yahoo and how  
See all you gotta do is rub that lamp  
And I'll say...

So, Mister Moxxie, sir  
What will your pleasure be?  
Let me take your order  
Jot it down  
You ain't never had a friend like me!” Charlie sang.

“Life is your restaurant  
And I'm your maitre d'  
C'mon whisper what it is you want  
You ain't never had a friend like me!” she continued.

Charlie duplicated herself again, so that her copies could act as backup dancers.

“Yes sir, we pride ourselves on service  
You're the boss  
The king, the shah  
Say what you wish  
It's yours! True dish  
How about a little more Baklava?

“Have some of column ‘A’  
Try all of column ‘B’  
I'm in the mood to help you dude  
You ain't never had a friend like me!  
Dance break!” Charlie exclaimed. 

She and the clones began dancing, and after a while, she poofed them away. 

“Can your friends do this?  
Do your friends do that?  
Do your friends pull this out their little hat?  
Can your friends go, poof?

Well, looky here  
Can your friends go, Abracadabra, let 'er rip  
And then make the sucker disappear?” sang Charlie.

“So don’t just sit there slack jawed, buggy eyed  
I'm here to answer all your midday prayers!  
You got me bona fide, certified  
You got a genie for your chare d'affaires

I got a powerful urge to help you out  
So what-cha wish? I really wanna know  
You got a list that's three miles long, no doubt  
Well, all you gotta do is rub like so - and oh!” she continued.

“So, Mister Moxxie, sir, have a wish or two or three  
I'm on the job, you big nabob  
You ain't never had a friend, never had a friend!  
You ain't never had a friend, never had a friend!” Charlie sang, as she made things appear for the big finish of her song.

“You ain't  
never  
had a  
friend like  
me!” Charlie finished.

“You ain't never had a friend like me!” she said. 

Everything disappeared, and all that was left was a glowing applause sign. Nifty clapped politely, while Moxxie and Vaggie still sat there confused.

“So, what’ll it be, master?” Charlie asked.

“Um...you’ll just grant me any three wishes I want?” Moxxie asked.

“Well, not exactly. There are a few rules you need to know,” Charlie replied.

“Okay. Like what?” Moxxie asked.

“Rule number one, I can’t kill anyone. I could never bring myself to do that anyway. Rule number two, I can’t make anyone fall in love with anyone else. It just isn’t fair to people. And rule number three, I can’t bring people back from the dead. It isn’t a pretty picture, and I don’t like doing it,” explained Charlie.

“Other than that, we’re fine!” she finished.

Moxxie thought for a moment, then he and Vaggie shared a smile. “So...limitations? On wishes? Some all powerful genie you are,” Moxxie said. 

“She can’t even bring people back from the dead,” Vaggie added.

“Exactly! And you know what? I bet she can’t even get us out of this cave. Looks like we need to find our own way out,” Moxxie said. 

Charlie glared at Moxxie, then she started floating above him. “Alright, listen, I don’t want to be rude, but you rubbed my lamp. You woke me up, you brought me here, and now you just want to walk out on me?!” she exclaimed.

“Not today, mister! You are getting your wishes, so sit your ass down!” Charlie shouted, practically shaking the cave walls. 

Startled, Moxxie and Vaggie sat on Nifty, then Charlie sat beside them. “In case of emergencies, exits are….anywhere! I mean, it is a carpet. Now, keep your hands and arms inside the ride, and we are out of here!” Charlie said, before flying them up and out of the cave.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don’t usually post song links for movies, but I found a cover of friend like me done by the singing voice for Charlie, Elsie Lovelock. So I decided to post the link because it is just too perfect. 
> 
> https://youtu.be/qStN2FgIKzo


	6. Make Me a Prince

The next morning, Blitzo got Millie and Alastor together for a meeting. “Alastor! What the fuck, man?! If it wasn’t for your years of service, you’d be out on the streets! From now on, you better talk to me before you chop anybody’s heads off,” Blitzo explained.

“I am terribly sorry, your highness. I guarantee you, it won’t happen again,” Alastor smiled.

“Alright, cool. Now we can put all of this behind us,” said Blitzo.

“I am truly sorry about this, princess,” Alastor said, as he looked over at Millie.

“Well, at least there’s one good thing about being forced to get married. When I’m queen, getting rid of you will be the first thing I do,” she stated, before walking off. 

“Damnit, Millie!” Blitzo shouted, before running after her.

As soon as they were gone, Alastor scowled. “If only I had gotten that lamp!” he shouted.

“Yeah. Now we have to keep sucking up to that asshole and his bitchy daughter for the rest of our friggin lives,” Husk said. 

“No, no. Only until she finds a husband. After that, she’s likely going to have us banished. Or worse, beheaded,” Alastor replied.

Husk paused for a moment, then he got an idea. “Al, hear me out….but what if you were the husband?” Husk asked.

“I beg your pardon?” Alastor asked, raising an eyebrow. 

“What if you marry the princess, then you become sultan?” Husk asked.

“Hm….marry the girl...and become sultan? Husker, my interest has peaked,” Alastor smiled.

“Yeah! Peak! Because as soon as you marry her, we can drop Blitzo and Millie off a cliff or some shit. How’s that?” Husk asked.

“Husker! I’m proud of you! You had a good idea for once!” Alastor exclaimed.

“....Yeah, thanks for that,” Husk said.

Meanwhile, Nifty had flown Moxxie, Charlie, and Vaggie to an oasis. Charlie had magically changed into a flight attendant’s uniform along the way. 

“Thank you for choosing Magic Carpet for your travel needs! Don’t stand until the rug has come to a complete stop,” Charlie said, just as Nifty stopped. “Thank you! Goodbye!” she exclaimed, as Moxxie and Vaggie walked off.

Charlie snapped her fingers and changed her outfit back to normal. “See? I told you I could do it!” she smiled.

“Yeah, I shouldn’t have doubted you. So….three wishes,” Moxxie muttered.

“Actually, it’s two now,” Charlie corrected.

“Nope. I never wished to get out of the cave, you did that on your own,” Moxxie replied.

Charlie’s jaw dropped. “I did! Oh, you are good! But no more freebies,” she said. 

“Fair enough. Let’s see….I want my wishes to be good,” Moxxie said. He would have asked Vaggie for advice, like he often did, but the exhausted monkey had fallen asleep. “Charlie? What would you wish for?” he asked.

“Me?” Charlie asked, obviously caught off guard. “Nobody’s asked that before. Um...well I guess...oh, nevermind,” she said.

“What?” Moxxie asked.

“It’s stupid,” Charlie sighed.

“Please?” Moxxie asked.

“Freedom,” Charlie answered.

Moxxie looked down at the lamp in his hands. “You’re a prisoner?” he asked. 

“It’s just a part of being a genie. You get all the powers in the world, but itty bitty living space,” Charlie explained.

“That’s horrible!” Moxxie yelled.

“All I want is to be free! I want to experience the world! Have my own adventures! Make new friends! To be my own master….something like that would be greater than all the magic and all the treasures in all the world!” Charlie exclaimed, before she came back to reality. “But it isn’t like that’s going to happen anytime soon,” she said.

“Why not?” Moxxie asked.

“The only way I can get out is if my master wishes me out, so you can probably guess how often that’s happened,” Charlie replied.

“I can do it! I’ll set you free,” Moxxie smiled.

Charlie started giggling. “That’s hilarious! You are a funny guy!” she said.

“No really! I’ll use the first two wishes, then use the third one to set you free,” said Moxxie, as he held out a hand. 

Charlie was taken aback, then she shook his hand. “Thanks, Moxxie. It’d mean a lot to me,” she said. Charlie pulled her hand away and smiled. “Okay, now let’s make some magic! So, what is it you want most?” she asked.

“Um...I mean...there’s this girl…” Moxxie stammered.

“Moxxie? I can’t make people fall in love, remember?” Charlie asked.

“I know, but she’s just so smart and sweet and…” Moxxie began.

“Pretty?” Charlie asked. 

“Gorgeous!” Moxxie finished. “She’s got the most amazing eyes, her hair is perfect, and she has the cutest little gap in her teeth!” he explained.

“She sounds nice,” Charlie smiled.

“She is! But she’s the princess. To even have a chance, I’d have to be….” Moxxie started, before he got an idea. “Could you turn me into a prince?” he asked.

“I can do that! Is it an official wish? Say the magic words,” Charlie said.

“Charlie, I wish for you to make me a prince!” Moxxie exclaimed.

“Alright! Let’s do this!” Charlie cheered, as she made a roll of measuring tape appear in her hands. She started to get Moxxie’s measurements. “Alright, I’m thinking of something….dashing! Something elegant and sophisticated, but with a little bit of a flare to it,” she said.

Charlie snapped her fingers, and Moxxie was in a regal, white prince’s outfit. It had red accents, including a turban with a red feather. “Yes! You look perfect!” Charlie said, as she pushed a mirror over to Moxxie.

“I do! Holy shit!” he gasped.

“Now, we’re still missing something, let’s see….mode of transportation!” exclaimed Charlie.

“Can’t I just use Nifty?” Moxxie asked.

“You could….but we want to leave a big impression!” Charlie replied. She walked over to Vaggie and woke her up. “We need a little help with something,” she said.

“What?” Vaggie asked.

“C’mere!” Charlie replied. 

She brought Vaggie over and placed her on the ground. “And what better way to make a grand entrance than riding your very own camel?” Charlie asked, before she transformed Vaggie into a camel.

“....please don’t make me go through with this,” Vaggie said.

“Hm...you have a point. A camel isn’t enough,” Charlie replied. She paused to think, then it hit her. “I got it!” she said. 

Charlie pointed at Vaggie, and turned her into an elephant. “Yes! This is just what we needed!” Charlie said.

“What the hell did you do?!” Vaggie yelled.

“Vaggie, please don’t freak out!” Moxxie exclaimed. 

“Okay, okay. This is just fucking weird,” Vaggie stated. 

“I know. But it’ll all be worth it! I swear,” Moxxie smiled.

“It better be…” Vaggie muttered.

“Y’know, Prince Moxxie has a nice ring to it,” Charlie said.

“Wait! We can’t use my real name! I’m….sort of a wanted criminal,” Moxxie said.

“Ohhh okay. Hm….what’s a good alias?” Charlie asked. 

“Brian? Paul? Richard? I’m just spitballing here,” Vaggie said.

“Oh! Richard is good! Prince Richard Horvitz! Richie for short,” Charlie said.

“That’s kind of a weird name…” Moxxie said.

“It works for you though,” Vaggie replied.

“Alright, Richard Horvitz it is,” Moxxie shrugged.

“Okay! You’ve got the name, outfit, and elephant, but we aren’t done yet! Hold on tight, Richie. I am going to make you a star!” Charlie smiled.


	7. Prince Richard

Blitzo was sitting in his throne room, doing nothing in particular, when Alastor and Husk burst in.

“Your majesty! I found the solution to the problem with your daughter!” Alastor exclaimed

“Oh cool! What?” Blitzo asked.

“It’s right here,” Alastor smiled, as he unfurled a scroll. “‘If the princess has not chosen a husband by the appointed time, then the sultan must choose for her’,” he read.

“I mean...I would. But Millie hated all of those guys. I’d feel like a dick for choosing somebody she’d hate,” Blitzo said.

“Don’t you worry! There’s more! If in the event a suitable prince cannot be found, the princess will be wed to….oh goodness,” Alastor said.

“Who? Tell me!” Blitzo exclaimed. 

“The royal vizier! That would be….me,” replied Alastor.

“I’m pretty sure the law said only a prince can marry a princess,” Blitzo said.

“Desperate times call for desperate measures, your highness,” Alastor grinned, as he began hypnotizing Blitzo with his staff.

“Desperate...measures,” Blitzo repeated, as he began to fall under a trance. 

“You will order the princess to marry me,” Alastor stated.

“I will...order the princes….” Blitzo began, before he blinked a few times. “But you’re really ugly,” he said.

Alastor rolled his eyes. “The princess will marry me!” he shouted, as Blitzo started slipping into the trance again.

“The princess…..will….” Blitzo started, but he trailed off. He heard music from outside the palace. “I wonder what that is?” he asked.

Blitzo ran to the balcony to look, and he smiled. “Al! You’ve gotta see this!” he called, causing Alastor and Husk to walk over.

Down below, a parade was going through the streets. It was led by Charlie, who was wearing a white outfit to match Moxxie’s, but hers had blue accents instead of red. 

“Make way for Prince Richie  
Say hey! It's Prince Richie!” the entourage sang.

“Hey! Clear the way in the old Bazaar  
Hey you!  
Let us through!  
It's a bright new star!

Oh Come!  
Be the first on your block to meet his eye!

Make way!  
Here he comes!  
Ring bells! Bang the drums!  
Are you gonna love this guy!” sang Charlie, before she pointed up at Moxxie. 

Moxxie was sitting on top of Vaggie, and pretending he was confident. In actuality, the boy had never been this nervous.

“Prince Richie! Fabulous he!  
Richard Horvitz  
Genuflect, show some respect  
Down on one knee!

Now, try your best to stay calm  
Brush up your sunday salaam  
Then come and meet his spectacular coterie!” Charlie continued.

“Prince Richie!  
Mighty is he!  
Richard Horvitz  
Strong as ten regular men, definitely!” Charlie smiled.

She ran over to the crowd watching the parade, and began disguising herself as different people. 

“He faced the galloping hordes  
A hundred bad guys with swords!  
Who sent those goons to their lords?  
Why, Prince Richie!” she sang.

Millie had gotten curious about all the noise, and she started watching the parade from her balcony. 

“He's got seventy-five golden camels!” the entourage sang.

“Don’t they look lovely, Jill?” asked Charlie, dressed as a reporter. 

“Purple peacocks, he's got fifty-three!” the entourage sang. 

“Fabulous, Elsie. I love the feathers!” Charlie replied, dressed as a different reporter. 

“When it comes to exotic-type mammals  
Has he got a zoo?  
I'm telling you  
it's a world-class menagerie!” Charlie sang.

Next, Charlie teleported herself to the balcony Dia, Summer, and Martha were on, and they started singing backup for her. 

“Prince Richie! Handsome is he  
Richard Horvitz  
That physique! How can I speak?  
Weak at the knee!

Well, get on out in that square  
Adjust your veil and prepare  
To gawk and grovel and stare at Prince Richie!” they sang.

Millie rolled her eyes and headed back inside. 

“He's got ninety-five white Persian monkeys  
He's got the monkeys, let's see the monkeys  
And to view them he charges no fee  
He's generous, so generous!

He's got ten thousand servants and flunkies  
Proud to work for him!” the entourage sang.

Blitzo noticed the parade heading for the palace, so he ran over to get the door for them. Before he could open it, Alastor stood in front of it.

“They bow to his whim love serving him  
They're just lousy with loyalty to Richie! Prince Richie!  
Prince Richie!  
Amorous he! Richard Horvitz!” the parade sang. 

They all barged through the door and knocked Alastor to the side. Charlie smiled and ran over to Blitzo

“Heard your princess was HOT where is she?  
And that, good people, is why he got dolled up and dropped by!” she sang. 

“With sixty elephants, llamas galore  
With his bears and lions  
A brass band and more  
With his forty fakirs, his cooks, his bakers  
His birds that warble on key  
Make way for Prince Richie!” the entourage finished.

Charlie discretely flew back into her lamp, which was under Moxxie’s hat. Alastor was busy getting the rest of the entourage to leave, and he slammed the door. Moxxie got off of Vaggie and walked over to Blitzo.

“Holy shit! That was great!” Blitzo cheered.

“Uh...thanks!” Moxxie smiled, before he cleared his throat. “Sir, I have travelled from afar to ask for your daughter’s hand,” he said.

“Cool, cool! It’s great to meet you, Prince Richard. This is my vizier, Alastor. He’s glad to meet you too,” Blitzo said, as he pointed at Alastor.

“Simply thrilled,” Alastor replied, with a fake smile. “I’m terribly sorry, Prince Twitchy-,” he began. 

“Um, Richie,” Moxxie corrected.

“Yes, yes. You cannot simply barge in the palace uninvited!” Alastor shouted.

Blitzo saw Nifty and gasped. “You have a flying carpet?! That’s so fucking cool!” he exclaimed.

“Wanna go for a ride?” Nifty asked.

“Hell yeah!” Blitzo replied. 

“Your majesty, you’re really going to trust a talking carpet?” Alastor asked.

“Pretty much, yeah,” Blitzo answered, as he and Nifty took off.

“Now, where are you from, exactly?” Alastor asked, as he eyed Moxxie suspiciously.

“Pretty far away. Um...you can find it, if you just look. But I mean, it’s probably way further than you’ve ever travelled,” Moxxie answered. 

“Try me,” Alastor grinned.

Before Moxxie could reply, Blitzo and Nifty flew over to them. “This is great!” he smiled, as he hopped off.

“I’m sure it is, your highness,” Alastor returned.

“Oh! I brought gifts. Jams. I brought….fig jams, date jams, yam jams. Just all of these….amazing, exotic jams,” Moxxie said, with a nervous smile.

“Woah! Suitors hardly ever bring gifts!” Blitzo exclaimed, before he turned to Alastor. “Thank fuck, you may not have to marry my daughter after all,” he whispered.

“Your highness, I don’t trust this boy,” Alastor whispered.

“You’re paranoid! I’m an amazing judge of character,” Blitzo smiled, causing Husk to roll his eyes. Blitzo turned back to Moxxie. “Millie is gonna like you!” he said.

“And I think I’ll like her too,” Moxxie smiled. The group didn’t notice Millie quietly step into the room. 

“Your majesty! This boy is no different than the others. What makes him think he’s worthy of a princess?” Alastor asked.

“Well, um, I’m Prince Richard Horvitz! I think I’m...um...a pretty cool guy. Just let me talk to her! I can win her over,” Moxxie replied.

“How dare you!” Millie shouted, causing everyone to turn to her. “What makes all of you think you can sit there and decide my future for me?! I’m not a prize to be won!” she yelled.

“Wait! I have jams!” Moxxie called, as Millie stormed off. 

“Shit,” Blitzo muttered, before he turned to Moxxie. “Don’t worry about her, Richie. Millie blows up at every suitor! Just give her a while to cool down. C’mon, I’ll show you to your room,” Blitzo said, as he and Moxxie walked off.

“I believe it’s time to say goodbye to Prince Twitchy…” Alastor said, as he glared in the direction they left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I usually don’t send song links with movie parodies, but Charlie’s singing voice, Elsie Lovelock, did a cover of Prince Ali, so I figured I should send it here!
> 
> https://youtu.be/4cXaAIc6kkI


	8. A Whole New World

That night, Moxxie, Nifty, Charlie, and Vaggie stood near Millie’s balcony. As Moxxie paced, Charlie and Nifty played chess. 

“What do I do? I fucked up big time! Millie probably hates me,” he sighed. 

“Don’t beat yourself up about it, Moxxie. Some girls are just hard to get to,” Vaggie said, but Moxxie only sighed again.

“So move,” Charlie said, as she stared at the chess board.

“I’m thinking!” Nifty returned. “Oh! Got it!” she exclaimed. She swatted one of Charlie’s pieces off the board.

“That’s a good move. I can’t believe it. I’m losing to a rug,” Charlie said. 

“Charlie? I need help,” Moxxie said.

“Okay! Why don’t you just tell Millie the truth?” she asked.

“I could never do that! If she finds out I’m a stupid possum, she’s going to laugh at me!” Mollie exclaimed.

“Hey! Some people like guys who can make them laugh,” Charlie smiled, making Moxxie roll his eyes. 

“If she knew, I wouldn’t even be allowed to marry her,” he stated. 

“I know...but all jokes aside, you should just be yourself,” Charlie said. 

“That’s the last thing I want to be!” returned Moxxie, as he put his hat on. “I’m going to see her. I just need to be….smooth. Cool. Confident. How do I look?” he asked.

“Like a prince,” Charlie sighed.

Without another word, Moxxie hopped onto Nifty, and she flew him up to the balcony. Millie was in her room with Loona, when she heard noise outside. “Who is it?” she called.

“It’s me, Richie! Wait, I mean….Prince Richard Horvitz,” Moxxie said, with feigned confidence. 

Millie stepped out onto the balcony and crossed her arms. “I don’t wanna see you,” she said.

“Please, princess? Give me a chance!” Moxxie begged.

Loona growled and began walking towards Moxxie. “Leave me alone!” Millie shouted. Moxxie took off his hat to swat at Loona, and Millie got a better look at him. “Actually, do I know you?” she asked.

“Who me? I don’t think so,” Moxxie answered.

“You just remind me of somebody I met in the marketplace,” Millie replied, as she started petting Loona.

“What? No! I never go there. I have servants to do it for me. Hell, I have servants who go for my servants. It couldn’t have been me,” Moxxie said. 

“Yeah. I guess not,” Millie sighed.

“Pssst! Moxxie!” a voice whispered. Moxxie noticed Charlie, in the form of a bee, flying near his ear. “Compliment her! You said all those nice things about her the other day!” she whispered.

“Princess Millie, you’re very….” Moxxie began.

“Fun, amazing, talented, punctal!” Charlie exclaimed.

“Punctual!” Moxxie finished.

“Punctual?” Millie asked.

“Dammit…” Charlie muttered.

“Sorry! I meant beautiful,” Moxxie said, with a nervous smile.

“Oh! Good save!” Charlie smiled.

“Hmm….I’m rich too, y’know,” Millie smirked. Moxxie didn’t quite know what to say, so he nodded. He simply watched as Millie began walking towards him. “The daughter of a sultan….” she continued.

“Yep. I know,” Moxxie nodded. 

“A nice little prize for any prince to marry,” Millie added.

“Uh huh! A prince like me!” Moxxie exclaimed. 

“Yeah. A prince like you. And every other stuck up asshole I’ve ever met!” Millie yelled, before he pulled Moxxie’s hat over his eyes. “Go jump off the fucking balcony!” she shouted.

“This isn’t good! This is very, very bad!” Charlie exclaimed. 

“Okay, can you buzz off? I’ll take care of it,” Moxxie whispered.

“Okay. Just remember, be yourself!” Charlie smiled, before disappearing.

“Yeah right,” Moxxie returned.

“What?” Millie asked.

“I said...um...you’re right. You aren’t just a prize to be won. You’re an amazing girl, and you should be free to make your own choice. I’ll go now. Sorry to bug you,” Moxxie said, before he jumped off the balcony. 

“No!” Millie screamed.

“What? What?” Moxxie asked, as he popped back up.

“How….how are you doing that?” Millie asked.

“It’s a magic carpet,” Moxxie replied.

“I’m Nifty!” Nifty exclaimed.

“Oh...hi,” Millie smiled. “This is really neat,” she said.

“Do you....do you want to come for a ride?” Moxxie asked.

“It’s safe, isn’t it?” asked Millie.

“Sure! Do you trust me?” Moxxie asked.

Millie realized something seemed familiar about that, and she raised an eyebrow. “What?” she asked.

“Do you trust me?” Moxxie repeated. 

“Yes,” Millie answered.

She climbed onto Nifty, and she and Moxxie flew into the night sky. They flew through the city, then high above the clouds. 

“I can show you the world  
Shining, shimmering, splendid  
Tell me, Princess  
Now when did you last let your heart decide?

I can open your eyes  
Take you wonder by wonder  
Over, sideways and under  
On a magic carpet ride

A whole new world  
A new fantastic point of view  
No one to tell us no  
Or where to go  
Or say we're only dreaming,” Moxxie sang. 

“A whole new world  
A dazzling place I never knew  
But when I'm way up here  
It's crystal clear  
That now, I'm in a whole new world with you!” Millie sang. 

“Now I'm in a whole new world with you!” Moxxie repeated.

“Unbelievable sights  
Indescribable feeling  
Soaring, tumbling, freewheeling  
Through an endless diamond sky

A whole new world   
A hundred thousand things to see   
I'm like a shooting star  
I've come so far  
I can't go back to where I used to be!” Millie continued. 

“A whole new world   
With new horizons to pursue 

I'll chase them anywhere  
There's time to spare  
Let me share this whole new world with you,” they both sang.

“A whole new world,” Moxxie sang.

“A whole new world,” Millie repeated.

“That's where we'll be,” sang Moxxie.

“That's where we'll be,” smiled Millie.

“A thrilling chase,” Moxxie sang.

“A wondrous place,” Millie added. 

“For you and me,” they finished.

The two of them had flown around the world, and now they were in China, watching a fireworks show.

“It’s all so incredible,” Millie sighed.

“It is,” Moxxie smiled.

Millie smirked, then looked over at him. “It’s too bad Vaggie had to miss this,” she said.

“She hates fireworks. Isn’t a fan of flying either,” Moxxie replied. At that moment, he realized what had come out of his mouth. “I mean….I mean….oh shit…” he muttered.

“I knew it! You are that guy from the market! Why didn’t you tell me?” Millie asked.

“Millie…” Moxxie began.

“Did you think I was some kind of idiot? That I wouldn’t figure it out?” Millie asked.

“I mean...I hoped you wouldn’t,” Moxxie replied. 

“I want the truth. Who are you? Really?” Millie asked.

“Okay….sometimes….sometimes I dress like a commoner to escape the pressures of palace life!” Moxxie answered. 

“Really? But you had your own house. And everything seemed so natural for you,” Millie said.

“To tell you the truth, I've uh...I’ve been visiting Agrabah for years. I sorta set that place up so I could have somewhere to stay when I came over. It’s just hard...being….being royalty sometimes, y’know? I really am a prince,” Moxxie said.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” asked Millie.

“Think about it. Royalty going out into the city in disguise. Sounds kind of strange, don’t you think?” Moxxie asked.

Millie paused a moment, then she smiled. “Not that strange,” she said, before leaning her head on Moxxie’s shoulder. 

After the fireworks, Moxxie flew Millie back to her balcony. “Goodnight, prince charming,” Millie smiled.

“Sleep well, princess,” Moxxie replied. 

The two looked at each other fondly, then Millie smirked. “Can I do something?” she asked.

“What?” Moxxie asked.

Millie didn’t answer; she just gave Moxxie a kiss on the lips. Moxxie was surprised, but he kissed back. “That,” Millie said.

“That….that was really, really nice,” Moxxie stammered, causing Millie to giggle. 

“Goodnight,” she said, before walking inside.

Moxxie and Nifty began floating back to the ground. “You should have just told her,” Nifty sighed. 

“I couldn’t do that if I wanted,” Moxxie answered. “I mean...it’s not so bad. For the first time in my life, things are starting to go right,” he said.


	9. It’s Not Over Yet

That same night, as Moxxie was floating back down, three pairs of hands grabbed him. Moxxie screamed as the guards tied him up and gagged him, then he watched as Vaggie and Nifty were restrained. 

Moxxie looked up, and he saw Alastor grinning down at him. “I believe you’ve worn out your welcome, Prince Twitchy,” he said. “Fizzaroli, be certain he’s never found,” he finished, before walking away.

Fizzaroli hit Moxxie on the back of the head, knocking him out. A ball and chain was latched to Moxxie’s ankles, and they tossed him off a cliff and into the water. Moxxie’s hat fell beside him, and he unconsciously rubbed the lamp.

Charlie flew out seconds later. “HOLY SHIT, MOXXIE!” she shouted. “Moxxie! Wake up! You can’t cheat on this one! I can’t help you unless you make a wish! Say ‘Charlie, I wish you would save my life.’ C’mon, Moxxie!” Charlie yelled.

Moxxie was unresponsive, but it wasn’t as if Charlie would let him die down here. “I’ll take that as a yes,” she said. 

Charlie flew Moxxie up and out of the water, then laid him on the ground. Moxxie coughed up the water, and Charlie placed a hand on his back. “I’m glad you’re okay, Moxxie! You really scared me,” she said.

“Charlie, thank you. So, so much,” Moxxie replied.

Charlie gave him a smile and pulled him into a hug. “Aw, Moxxie! I’m getting kinda fond of you,” she said. “I would’ve done mouth to mouth, but I don’t find you that attractive,” she added, as the two of them headed back to the palace. 

Meanwhile, Millie was in her room, brushing her hair, when Blitzo stepped in. “Millie,” he said. 

“Daddy! I just had the best night ever! I’m so happy,” Millie smiled. 

“You should be. I picked a husband for you,” Blitzo replied.

“Huh?” Millie asked. 

“You’ll marry Alastor,” Blitzo said, as Alastor stepped into the room.

Millie gasped, causing Alastor to smile. “You’re speechless, I see. A wonderful quality in a partner,” he said.

“I’m not gonna marry you! Daddy, I chose Prince Richard!” Millie exclaimed.

“Prince Richard left,” Alastor replied.

“You might wanna check your crystal ball again, Alastor,” Moxxie said, as he stepped into the room. 

“Richie!” Millie smiled. 

“Tell them the truth, Alastor. You tried to fucking kill me!” Moxxie yelled.

“That’s absurd!” Alastor yelled, before he looked at Blitzo. “Your highness, the boy is obviously lying,” he said, as he held his staff in Blitzo’s face. 

“Obviously…...lying,” Blitzo repeated.

“Daddy! What’s wrong with you?!” Millie shouted, as Moxxie got a good look at the staff.

“I know what’s wrong!” he exclaimed. Moxxie grabbed Alastor’s staff and smashed it, breaking Blitzo from his trance. 

“The fuck is going on here?” Blitzo asked.

“Sir, Alastor has been hypnotizing you with this staff,” Moxxie explained.

“What?!” Blitzo asked, before looking at Alastor. “Oh, you lying son of a bitch,” he stated.

“Your majesty, I can explain everything,” Alastor said.

“Like hell you will. Guards!” Blitzo called. 

Just then, Alastor noticed the lamp inside of Moxxie’s hat. Before he could do anything about it, the guards began pulling him back. “This isn’t over yet, boy!” Alastor shouted, before he vanished in a puff of smoke. 

“Guards! Go find that bastard!” Blitzo shouted. When the guards ran off, he sighed. “He was plotting against me this whole time. Who coulda seen this coming?” he muttered, before he saw Moxxie and Millie embracing. “Holy shit! Millie, did you actually pick a suitor?” he asked.

“Yes! I did!” Millie smiled.

“Thank fuck! You guys are going to get married as soon as possible! Hell, one day Richie is gonna be sultan!” Blitzo exclaimed.

“Sultan?” Moxxie asked.

“Yeah! You’re just what this kingdom needs,” Blitzo replied. 

Moxxie’s face fell slightly. He didn’t think he was cut out to be sultan.

Meanwhile, Alastor and Husk headed into their lair. “We gotta go! They’ll fucking kill us!” Husk exclaimed, before Alastor started laughing. “Did you crack or some shit?” he asked.

“I’m perfectly sane! Prince Richard is simply that worthless thief Moxxie! He has the lamp, Husker,” Alastor said. 

“He does? That bastard stole it from us?!” Husk asked.

“Unfortunately so. However, you will be the one to get it back,” Alastor smiled.

“Me?” Husk asked.

The next morning, Moxxie was sitting on his bed, conflicted. “Sultan. They want me to be sultan,” he said.

At that, Charlie flew out of her lamp. “You did it! Oh Moxxie, I’m so happy for you!” she smiled. However, Moxxie only sighed. “Moxxie, you just won the heart of a princess, what are you going to do next?” she asked, but Moxxie continued to ignore her. 

“Uh...Moxxie? I don’t wanna bother you, but….remember what we talked about? The other day?” asked Charlie.

“Charlie….I can’t,” Moxxie sighed.

“What do you mean?” Charlie asked.

“I’m sorry, I really am. But they want to make me sultan! Wait, they want to make Prince Richie sultan. Without you, I’m only Moxxie,” he said.

“But Moxxie, you’re amazing as you are. Honest,” Charlie replied.

“Because of you! I was completely worthless before you came around, and now the only reason anybody likes me is because of you. What if they find out I’m not a prince? What if Millie finds out? I’d lose her forever,” Moxxie said.

He sighed again, then looked up at Charlie. “Charlie, I can’t do this by myself. I can’t wish you free,” he said. 

Charlie looked completely heartbroken, but she shrugged. “That’s okay. No one has ever set me free before, I should’ve known you wouldn’t be any different. Besides, you lied to everyone else. And just when I was starting to think you were a nice guy,” she said.

Charlie disappeared into her lamp. “Charlie, I really am sorry,” Moxxie said. 

“It’s whatever,” she whimpered, still not coming out. 

“It isn’t that I don’t want to set you free! I just...I mean….um…” Moxxie began, before sighing. “What am I doing? Charlie’s right. I need to tell Millie the truth,” he said. 

“Richie, sweetie!” called Millie’s voice. 

“Okay, time to do this thing,” Moxxie said, as he placed the lamp under a pillow. “Millie? Where are you?” he asked.

He didn’t notice Husk behind the corner, doing his best Millie impression. “Out in the menagerie. Hurry!” he exclaimed.

As Moxxie left the room, Husk walked in and picked up the lamp. “Finally. Damn, it took forever to get this thing. Al better get me a fucking drink for this,” Husk grumbled, before he left.


	10. Alastor’s Takeover

Blitzo was giving an address for the citizens. “People of Agrabah! It only took fucking forever, but Princess Millie has finally chosen a suitor!” he announced.

Millie waited behind the curtain, then Moxxie walked over to her. “Um...Millie?” he asked.

“Richie! Where’ve you been? The whole kingdom showed up for Daddy’s announcement!” Millie smiled.

“Uh, Millie? I gotta tell you something,” Moxxie said.

“You can tell me afterwards!” Millie replied, before she kissed his nose. “Good luck,” she said. After that, Millie pushed Moxxie to the other side of the curtain. 

“Prince Richard Horvitz!” Blitzo exclaimed, as Moxxie came into view.

The people cheered at the sight of Moxxie, and he nervously waved at them. “Oh shit…” he muttered.

Meanwhile, Husk and Alastor were watching from the lair. “Look at them. Cheering for that dipshit,” Husk said.

“Let them cheer,” Alastor grinned, as he rubbed the lamp. 

Charlie floated out, with her back turned to Alastor. “Moxxie, I don’t really feel like talking ri-,” she began. Charlie turned around and saw Alastor. “Oh boy…” she muttered. “Haven’t I seen your picture in the post office, side view?” she asked.

Alastor rolled his eyes. “Oh, you are hilarious. I am your master now!” he shouted.

“I was afraid of that….” Charlie said.

“That boy has squandered the lamp’s power for far too long. Now...now I shall finally receive my dues,” Alastor said. 

“You’re...you’re not going to do anything crazy, are you?” Charlie nervously asked.

“I suppose we’ll just have to wait and see,” Alastor smirked, as he noticed the nervous look on Charlie’s face. “Oh smile, dear! You’ve nothing to be upset about. You simply work for me now,” he said.

Charlie only sighed. She hated this. She wanted nothing more than to fly away and warn Moxxie about Alastor, but there was nothing she could do.

“Now, onto business. Grant me my first wish. I wish to rule on high, as sultan!” he ordered.

Outside, the sky was darkened by clouds, and the wind began to howl. Blitzo’s turban began floating off of his head. “What the hell?” he asked. The rest of his clothes vanished, leaving him in his skull printed boxer shorts. 

Alastor walked over laughing, now wearing Blitzo’s sultan attire. “Alastor! You two faced bastard!” Blitzo yelled.

“That’s Sultan Two Faced Bastard to you,” Husk corrected.

“Oh yeah? We’ll see about that!” Moxxie exclaimed. He took off his turban, but the lamp wasn’t inside. “Oh fuck,” he said.

“Lost something, Twitchy?” Alastor smirked.

Moxxie looked up, and he saw Charlie. She was giant and looked far more imposing than normal. She lifted up the palace, causing the crowd beneath her to scream. 

Moxxie whistled for Nifty. She flew over, and he hopped on her back. “Charlie! Charlie! Stop!” Moxxie exclaimed, as he flew up to her.

“I’m sorry, Moxxie. I have a new master now,” Charlie sighed, as she placed the palace on top of a mountain. 

“Alastor, you better fucking stop!” Blitzo yelled.

“Ha! I’ve followed your order for long enough. Now it’s time for you to play my game. Bow to me! Both of you!” Alastor ordered.

“Never! Go fuck yourself!” Millie shouted. 

“Why does this not surprise me?” Husk asked.

“If you won’t bow before a sultan, then you must cower before a sorcerer! Genie! My second wish is to be the most powerful sorcerer in the world!” Alastor yelled.

Charlie looked away, and she pointed at Alastor. Moxxie tried grabbing her hand to stop her, but Charlie had already turned Alastor into a sorcerer. His sultan outfit became red and black, and he got a new staff exactly like the one Moxxie destroyed.

“How do I look?” Alastor asked, looking at Husk. 

“Scary as fuck,” Husk replied. 

“Wonderful! Now, let’s try this again. Bow to me!” Alastor ordered. 

He hit Millie and Blitzo with a blast of magic, forcing them to bow. Loona charged towards Alastor, but he used his powers to turn her into a harmless kitten. “I nearly forgot! Princess! There’s someone I’m dying to introduce you to,” Alastor grinned.

“Alastor! Get your hands off her!” Moxxie shouted, as he flew over to them.

Alastor only laughed, then he blasted Moxxie with his staff, lowering the boy to the ground. 

“Prince Richie, yes, it is he, but not as you know him  
Read my lips and come to grips with reality  
Yes, meet a blast from your past  
Whose lies were too good to last  
Say hello to your precious Prince Richie!” Alastor sang.

Using his newfound powers, he made Moxxie’s prince disguise disappear, leaving Moxxie in his rags. “Or should we say...Moxxie,” Husk said.

“Richie?” Millie asked, as Moxxie walked over to her.

“Millie, I’m sorry. I tried to tell you,” he said, just before Alastor cut in between the two of them.

“So Richie turns out to be no one but Moxxie,” he sang, before turning Vaggie back into a monkey. 

“Just a con, need I go on? Take it from me  
His personality flaws  
Give me adequate cause,” Alastor continued.

He slapped Moxxie across the face, then transported Moxxie and Vaggie to the tallest tower in the palace. Nifty flew in through the window, and Charlie could only watch in horror. 

“To send him packing on a one-way trip  
So his prospects take a terminal dip  
His assets frozen, the venue chosen  
Is the ends of the earth, whoopee!” Alastor exclaimed.

He launched the tower away like a rocket and grinned wickedly as it flew. “Farewell!” he called.

“Yeah, see ya,” Husk added.

“Ex-prince, Richie!” Alastor finished.

He ended his song by laughing maniacally. Blitzo and Millie held onto one another, dreading what was yet to come. 

The tower had landed on top of a snowy mountain. “Vaggie! Vaggie, are you okay?” Moxxie called.

“I’m….I’m fine,” Vaggie replied, as she shivered. 

“This is all my fault! I fucked up! I needed to free Charlie! I needed to tell the truth!” Moxxie exclaimed.

“What matters now is fixing it. We need to get back to Agrabah,” Vaggie said.

“Yeah! I need to set things right,” Moxxie nodded. “Nifty! Are you here?” he asked. 

“I’m here!” she answered. 

Moxxie and Vaggie rushed over, and they saw that Nifty was partially stuck under the tower. “Vaggie, start digging!” Moxxie said.

The two of them began to dig. As they removed the snow blocking the tower, it started to roll towards them. They jumped out of the way, and watched the tower roll down the cliff.

“I’m free!” Nifty cheered, as she flew over.

Moxxie and Vaggie immediately hopped on. “Back to Agrabah! Hurry!” Moxxie yelled. He only hoped there would be enough time for him to fix all of this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quick Question! Have any of you seen Twisted: The Untold Story of a Royal Vizier? 
> 
> Basically, it’s Aladdin from Jafar’s perspective. If people were interested, I may do that one.


	11. Battle for the Lamp

The palace was in ruin. Alastor had turned the place into Millie and Blitzo’s personal hell. The two of them were enslaved, and Blitzo was being forced to serve Husk drinks.

“Here’s your friggin whisky,” Blitzo said, as he handed it to Husk.

Husk took a sip, then immediately spat it out. “How in the hell could you fuck up pouring something into a glass?!” he yelled, before he splashed the drink in Blitzo’s face. Alastor laughed as it happened, and Charlie sat nearby in shame. 

“Alastor! Make him leave my dad alone!” Millie begged.

Alastor rolled his eyes and threw Blitzo a towel. “Tell me, Millie. How does it feel to be on the opposite end of the spectrum? To go from being worshiped and revered to serving someone you utterly despise?” he asked. “I’ll let you in on a little secret. It’s what I’ve felt for years,” finished Alastor.

“I’m gonna kick your fucking ass!” Millie shouted, causing Alastor to laugh again. 

“I’d love to see you try, my dear! You know, making you and your father serve me was entertaining for a while, but I’d say you’ve both about worn off your usefulness,” he said.

“What are you gonna do? Kill us?” Millie asked.

“I could….but I have a more interesting idea in mind,” Alastor answered, before he turned to Charlie. “Genie,” he said.

“Yes sir?” Charlie asked. 

“I’ve decided on my final wish. I wish for you to make Millie and Blitzo suffer slow, agonizing, painful deaths. And I want to sit back and watch the entire thing,” Alastor grinned.

“No!” Millie shouted. 

“Uh….master? I um...I can’t exactly do that,” Charlie said.

“You dare to disobey me? Or have you simply forgotten who’s in charge here? I am your master! You have to do whatever I say!” Alastor shouted.

As the two argued, Millie looked up and saw Moxxie climb in through a window. He signaled for her to be quiet, and she nodded. Millie had to think of a way to keep Alastor distracted, but she had no idea what to do. Suddenly, it came to her. It would be completely awful, but it was her only option.

“Oh Alastor,” she purred. Alastor’s eyes widened and he looked at her, too confused to speak. “Please don’t kill us. I’ll do anything. And I mean anything…” Millie continued.

Charlie’s jaw dropped, and Alastor was still confused. “What...what exactly are you implying?” he asked.

“Even a powerful sorcerer like you has to have a little bit of fun once and a while. And I would love to help you with that,” Millie smirked.

At that moment, Alastor knew exactly what the princess was talking about. “Please stop,” he said.

“Stop what? I thought you wanted to be praised. To be served. I’ll do whatever you say. You’re so powerful and handsome and...um...tall. Just say the word, and I’ll be on my knees for you,” Millie said, as she kept trying to act as seductive as possible.

Alastor didn’t like her flirting whatsoever, and frankly he was getting annoyed and scared, but Millie kept going. Charlie watched the whole thing in confusion, but then she saw Moxxie climb in through the window. 

“Moxxie! I’m so happy to see you,” she whispered, as she ran over.

“Good to see you too,” Moxxie replied.

“I’m really sorry I can’t help you, but I work for that crazy shitlord now. What are you going to do?” Charlie asked.

“I….I really don’t know. Uh….improvise,” Moxxie shrugged.

He snuck over to the lamp as Millie kept walking closer and closer to Alastor. “Could you please stop?! I do not like this,” Alastor said.

“But you’re just so sexy. And you know I’d do anything to stay alive. I’ll serve you any way I can. I’ll scream your name all night long if you want me too,” Millie replied.

“That’s the thing, I do not want that whatsoever,” Alastor returned.

As Millie continued flirting with Alastor, Moxxie walked over to the lamp. Husk saw this, and his eyes widened. “ALA-,” he started. Before Husk could finish, Vaggie covered his mouth.

“One word out of you, and I’ll fucking kill you,” she hissed.

“Why are you even doing this?! I thought you fancied that street rat,” Alastor said. 

“What street rat?” Millie smirked.

As Moxxie was about to grab the lamp, Vaggie and Husk accidentally knocked a bottle of whiskey onto the floor. Before Alastor could turn to see what it was, Millie grabbed his face and kissed him. Every single person in the room was completely horrified by the sight of that, especially Alastor.

He immediately shoved Millie away. “Stop this immediately!” he shouted. “If you ever touch me again, I’ll just kill you myself!” he added. 

Alastor turned to wipe his mouth, when he saw Moxxie. “You!” he shouted. He used his staff to blast Moxxie back into a pile of gold. “How many times must I kill you?!” he yelled.

Millie rushed over and tried wrestling Alastor’s staff away, but he pushed her to the ground. Then, Moxxie ran over to try getting it. “Get the lamp!” he yelled.

Millie started running towards the lamp, so Alastor trapped her in a giant hourglass. “Seems like your time is running out, princess!” he exclaimed.

“Millie!” Moxxie screamed.

Vaggie ran over to try getting the lamp, but Alastor blasted her with his staff, turning her into a wind up toy. “Don’t toy with me!” yelled Alastor.

Nifty grabbed the lamp and started flying away, but Alastor hit her with his magic as well, making the carpet unravel at the seams. “Things are unraveling fast, Moxxie! Oh, I am on a roll!” Alastor smiled, as he started laughing.

The lamp landed on the ground, and Moxxie started to make his way over to it. “Get the point?” Alastor asked, as he caused swords to fall around the lamp. Alastor laughed as he picked it up.

Moxxie grabbed one of the swords and got ready to fight. “I’m just getting warmed up!” Alastor exclaimed. He shot out a breath of fire, and the flames circled Moxxie.

“Fight me like a real man, you….you….” Moxxie began, as he struggled to think of an insult. “YOU SCARED LITTLE DEER!” he finished.

Alastor started to laugh. “That was the best you could come up with?” he asked. “Well, I suppose if that’s what you really want….” he grinned.

With a snap of his fingers, Alastor transformed into a huge, monstrous, red and black deer. He began trying to strike at Moxxie, but the boy was able to dodge the attacks. He used his sword to slash Alastor’s ankle, causing him to cry out. 

“M-O-V-E, move that sword to victory!” Charlie cheered, after magically changing into a cheerleaders uniform. 

“You stay out of this!” Alastor shouted.

“Al, Al, he’s our man. If he can’t do it, GREAT!” Charlie exclaimed.

Moxxie managed to climb onto Alastor’s back, and he stabbed him again. As soon as he did, Moxxie hopped off and ran for the hour glass. Unfortunately, Alastor stopped him before he could. 

“You foolish boy. You thought you could defeat the most powerful being on Earth,” Alastor said.

“Just kill him already, Al!” Husk shouted.

Charlie didn’t say anything, but she slammed her foot on Husk’s tail, causing him to scream.

“Without the genie, you’re nothing,” Alastor continued.

“The genie…” Moxxie repeated, before he got an idea. “The genie! Charlie has more power than you’ll ever have! She gave you your power, and she can take it away!” he yelled.

“Moxxie, buddy, why are you bringing me into this?” Charlie muttered, with a nervous smile.

“Looks like you’re nothing without the genie too! You’ll always be second rate, Alastor! Just a two-bit parlor show act!” Moxxie shouted.

Alastor glared at Moxxie, but he shrugged. “I suppose you’re right. Her power does exceed mine...but not for long,” Alastor grinned, as he turned his attention to Charlie.

“Don’t listen to him. Moxxie’s just a teeny bit high strung, that’s all!” Charlie exclaimed.

“Genie! I make my third wish. I wish to be an all powerful genie!” Alastor ordered.

“Well...uh….your wish is my command,” said Charlie. “Moxxie, you better have a plan,” she muttered.

Charlie pointed at Alastor and blasted him with magic. He began transforming into a genie, with golden shackles around his arms and a bright red outfit. “Yes….the power!” he exclaimed.

Moxxie quickly ran to the hour glass. He broke it, setting Millie free. 

“The absolute power!” Alastor shouted.

“What the hell did you do?!” Millie asked.

“Trust me!” Moxxie returned, as a black lamp appeared beneath Alastor.

“The universe is mine to command! Mine to control!” Alastor yelled.

“Hey, Alastor!” Moxxie yelled.

“What?” Alastor sneered, as he looked down at him. 

“If you want to be a genie, you get all the perks that come with it!” Moxxie returned, as he held up the lamp.

“No!” Alastor shouted, as he began getting sucked into it. 

As Alastor was being pulled in, he grabbed Husk by the tail. “Leave me the fuck out of this! Let go!” Husk shouted.

Husk and Alastor were sucked into the lamp. “Shitty, shitty living space,” Moxxie smiled.


	12. A Happy Ending

While Moxxie held Alastor’s lamp, Charlie ran over and hugged him. “You’re a genius, Moxxie!” she exclaimed.

Everything Alastor had done was erased, and everyone was returned to normal. Even the palace was transported back to its old location in the city.

“So...what do we do with Al’s lamp?” Moxxie asked.

“I’ve got just the thing,” Charlie smiled, as she took it from Moxxie. “Ten thousand tears in the Cave of Wonders seems pretty fair!” she exclaimed, before launching the lamp in the cave’s direction. 

Millie quietly walked over to Moxxie and held his hand. “Millie….I’m so sorry I lied to you about being a prince,” he said. 

“I can’t be mad at you. I know why you did,” Millie sighed. 

“Then...I guess this is goodbye,” Moxxie said.

“Ugh! That damn law. It just isn’t fair. I love you,” said Millie. 

“Moxxie? You know you still have one wish left,” Charlie said, as she walked over to them.

“But Charlie, I promised to wish you free,” Moxxie replied.

“Don’t worry about me, Moxxie. It won’t kill me to be stuck in that lamp for another few centuries. What you have is special. It’s love. Moxxie, you won’t find another person like Millie in a million years. Trust me, I know, I’ve looked,” Charlie explained.

Moxxie sighed, then he looked back at Millie. “Millie, I do love you. But I can’t keep saying I’m someone I’m not,” he said.

“I get it. Do what you need to do,” Millie replied, with a soft smile.

Moxxie smiled back, then he turned to Charlie. “Charlie, I wish for your freedom,” he said.

“One genuine prince coming up!” Charlie smiled. At that moment, she completely registered what Moxxie had said. “Wait, what?” she asked.

“Charlie, you’re free!” Moxxie exclaimed.

Charlie’s lamp floated into the air, and her golden shackles vanished from her wrists. The lamp fell to the ground, and Charlie picked it up in disbelief. “I’m free….I’m really free,” she whispered.

Without another word, Charlie cried happily and pulled Moxxie into a hug. “Thank you, Moxxie!” she exclaimed.

“You’re welcome, Charlie,” Moxxie replied.

“Wait, we need to test it! Wish for something crazy! Wish for a planet or something! Try that,” Charlie said.

“Um...I wish for saturn?” Moxxie asked.

“No way!” Charlie laughed. “Yes! I’m really free! This is amazing!” she cheered. She ran over to Nifty and Vaggie and excitedly shook their hands. “I’m going to see the world! Try new things! Meet new people! I-,” Charlie began, before she saw Moxxie smiling at her.

“Charlie, I’m going to miss you,” he said.

“I’ll miss you too, Moxxie,” Charlie replied, before she gave him another small hug. “No matter what anyone says, you’ll always be a prince to me,” she finished.

“Alright, you know what?” Blitzo asked. “Fuck the law! Moxxie saved all of our asses, I’m pretty sure he can take care of my kid. From this day on, the princess can marry whoever the hell she chooses,” he said.

“Really?” Millie gasped.

“Really. Go get your man, sweetheart,” Blitzo replied.

Millie ran over to Moxxie and gave him a kiss on the cheek. “In that case, I choose Moxxie,” she said. 

The two of them smiled at each other, then Charlie walked up to them. “Aww! You guys are so cute! C’mon, everybody! Group hug!” she cheered, as she pulled everyone into a hug. “I’ll miss you too, Vaggie!” Charlie added, before she kissed the monkey on the forehead. Charlie coughed up a ball of fur. “Hairball,” she said.

“I’ll miss you too, I guess. It’s….it’s been something,” Vaggie said.

“Well, I can’t do any more damage around here! I’m off!” Charlie said, as she flew off of the balcony. “Call me when it’s time for your wedding! And I’ll see you guys in the sequel! I’m history! Wait, I’m mythology! Oh fuck it, whatever I am, I’m free!” Charlie exclaimed. 

That night, Moxxie and Millie took a ride on Nifty to celebrate their engagement. 

“A whole new world,” Moxxie sang.

“A whole new life,” Millie added.

“For you and me,” the two of them finished.

“Now kiss!” Nifty shouted.

Moxxie started to blush, but Millie giggled and kissed him anyway. The two of them flew off into the night, eagerly awaiting whatever adventures would come their way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for reading this! 
> 
> For my next parodies, I have a few things in mind. Igor, Megamind, Twisted: The Untold Story of a Royal Vizier, and at some point, I want to give all of the main Hazbin and Helluva boss characters their own Disney princess movies.
> 
> I don’t really know what out of those I’ll do next, so stay tuned!


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